Wonder Woman

It’s funny how the extended absence of a person (in this case, my beloved Chicken Wing) throws everything out of whack. Chicken Wing was stationed in “The Armpit” (center of the state) since last Wednesday. He has the opportunity to return back to The Stink in another week, which means I need to enjoy my time with him while I can! Anyway, I am pretending to be Wonder Woman while he is MIA, so I did the following this weekend:

· Painted the exterior of our master bedroom addition (yippee!).

· Waged war against a pack of wasps nesting under the eaves of my house. I won, but only after a major freak-out session (my knees were totally shaking as I balanced myself on the top of the plastic dog house NOT intended for use as a step ladder and sprayed them with super foam).

· Attacked 8,142 HUGE spiders that strung themselves between my trees, posts, plants, etc. They accosted my garden and won. I couldn’t even pick my veggies. Seriously hate spiders.

· Walked Cooper. Actually, the "walk" on Saturday night was more like a series of wind sprints, or suicides. Please allow me to set the stage for you: the sun had already ducked behind the hills, but I still wanted to go for some type of adventure since it was finally cooling off from the 98 degree day. I remembered that there was an abandoned shed by the river that I really wanted to check out, so Cooper and I boldly marched out the front door, up the gravel path, and towards the shed. Luckily, I had opted for tennis shoes instead of my normal flip-flop getup, or else this story would have gone really badly.

Sorry. I digress.

So, we when were about 10 feet away from the rickety shed, we both peered into the open doorway, straining to see what the heck we were seeing. Suddenly, we looked at each other (think Scooby Doo and Shaggy – rut ro rooby!), saw the glimmer of fear in each other’s eyes, and both totally wigged out. We tore off running in the opposite direction, and never looked back. I don’t know what he saw, but I’m convinced I saw a man sitting in the doorway, staring at us in silence. FREAKY! So, we’re running and running away from freaky shed man, and I figure, “Heck, I haven’t gone for a jog in a while, let’s just keep going.”

Okay fine. I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible.

So, we “jogged” for maybe ½ mile or so, and came to a stretch of unmowed, incredibly dry weed field. By this time, Cooper was totally slacking behind me, so I was encouraging him, “Common, Coop! You can do it… just a little further!” when suddenly we heard a BIG rustling in the weeds. We turned to look to see what it was, and then spotted an enormously large black and white tail rising out of the dark weeds. I screamed, “AHHHHH! SKUNK!!!” and started dragging Cooper (85 pounds of pure hunting dog) down the circular path, trying to get away from the beast as quick as possible. It was actually quite surreal: as I was sprinting, I rationally thought to myself, “I forget: does tomato juice get out skunk spray, or is that an old wives tale? Perhaps it’s vinegar. Oh man, I HATE vinegar. I really hope tomato juice works. I’ll have to call my mom, but she’s traveling. I guess I’ll have to Google it.”

Then I remembered why I was running and looked back. Skunky was not staying put. Skunky must have thought we were invading his territory, because the ferocious beast started pouncing after us. I ran even faster, and Cooper was convinced that it was play time (why else would an animal follow you unless it was to play?!). I dragged the dog and finally got out of there, and back into the paved paradise of KL. My heart was racing like never before. Big sigh of relief – we were skunk-spray free. Thank you, God!

Between the spooky shack and charging skunk, we slunk back home, locked the doors in order to keep out all wasps, spiders, and skunks, and fell asleep.

Night time walks were confirmed as a bad idea. Even for Wonder Woman.